Understand
by Only Sarah
Summary: I see the way you look at him, the way your eyes light up, and I know. Drabble. James' perspective during Chasing Zoey. Slight CZ.


**A/N: I hate this a lot. But it's something that has been nagging at me for a while now, so it had to be written.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Zoey 101. If I did, season four wouldn't have sucked and James wouldn't exist.

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><p>I know you're not mine, but I would live a thousand lives to make you mine again.<p>

But you were never really mine to begin with.

It's pointless, I know, but I still had one shred of hope left when I uttered the words 'Wanna break up?', one tiny little part of me that had desperately clung to the idea that you did love me, that this was just a rough patch. But I knew. I still know.

I know now that from the moment I kissed your lips until the moment we broke up, that your hands were never meant for me to hold, your lips not mine to kiss, and it was certainly not my place to say 'I love you' when in fact, you belong to someone else.

You didn't mean to hurt me, I fully understand this. I truly believe that you didn't know how much you loved him until I gave you that necklace, and that I reminded you of the love that you had lost.

I should feel like the victim here, but I feel like the bad guy, taking away someone else's love.

I saw the way your eyes would light up when someone mentioned his name, and the little smile that would form at the corner of your mouth, before you would realize and stop yourself.

I hadn't actually planned on us breaking up that day. I was going to wait it out, but I when I saw a guy, who looked strangely like the boy in the photograph that Michael keeps on the desk, walking into the housing office, I knew it was only a matter of time. I didn't want to be a burden to you, Zoey, so I set you free. The housing staff moved my single bed out of our dorm and replaced it with a bunk bed. Michael and Logan were gone to have lunch before getting their dates, so they didn't even know. Miss Burvitch, from the housing office had explained that, due to the fact that this room was his first and that there were no other dorm rooms available, this was necessary. There were only three weeks left of school, and it didn't bother you.

_He had walked into the room, and set his stuff down before noticing you sitting there._

"_Hey"_

"_Hey, I'm James. I guess you're Chase?"_

"_Yeah, how did you know?"_

_I had pointed out the photo on the desk, which showed three teenage boys, arms around each other at the beach._

"_Oh. Ha, I remember that."_

_He had started unpacking his stuff, so you offered to help._

"_So why did you decide to come back for the last few weeks at school?"_

"_Well the school year in England works differently, so they have their finals next week, so I transferred back and I'll just write exams here."_

"_Oh, I see."_

"_Yeah." He took a deep breath. "So you're Zoey's boyfriend?"_

"_Ex."_

"_What?"_

"_We broke up."_

"_I'm sorry, dude."_

"_It's cool," You say, smiling. "She's in love with you, I'm not going to get in the way of that."_

"_Wait, what?"_

"_She broke up with me because I told her I loved her. She doesn't love me, and I know that she told you she loved you. Lola and Quinn told me that."_

"_Well….yeah. But that doesn't mean that she's in love with me. "_

"_I see the way her face lights up whenever someone mentions your name. She has a picture of you and her as her background on her computer. She might not realize it, but she's in love with you."_

_His eyes widened._

"_I also know that you've been in love with her for three years?"_

_He nodded._

_I smiled. "Then go get her."_

"_Where is she?"_

"_I have no idea."_

_His eyes narrowed, and he stood up to leave. "Thanks, man." _

I could never hate a guy like that. He seemed too innocent and sincere to ever be mad at, and I'm glad you found a guy that will love you just as much as you love him.

I wish I could be that guy for you, but I can't.

I thought I understood love, but when I see the way you look at him as you sit at the lunch table, the way your arm is always pressed against his, the way you steal food off of his plate when you think he doesn't notice, I don't understand. I don't know what he did that was so spectacular, so amazing to you, but I know that whatever it was makes you happier than you could have ever been with me. You're different around him. Even Quinn and Lola have said that this was the type of person they had always known you to be, and that when he was gone, you were different.

I don't understand love, and while I do love you, I'll just surrender. I'm not going to fight for you, because this battle was lost before it even started. You're in love with Chase, and he's in love with you.

And you don't love me.

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><p><strong>AN:**

**Like I said, I absolutely hate this.**

**I actually went on a rampage and deleted every single piece of writing that I had started. Every. Single. One.**

**(Chapter 6 of '_Broken Hearts' _is going to take longer than expected)**

**Everything I write is shitty. It's a nightmare. I hate everything I write, and just end up deleting it because I would be humiliated to post something that god-awful onto this site. So I apologize if you're waiting for an update. It will happen eventually, but not until I get my shit together and start writing some decent work. **

**I really disliked James. Every time he did something 'cute' I wanted to vomit. He wasn't a bad guy, but I just hated that Chase was gone. I'm also pissed that nobody ever mentioned Chase. **

**(Side note: James claimed he 'hears things' about Chase, to Michael during _Rumor of Love._ Wouldn't SOMEONE have mentioned Chase being in love with Zoey? And he STILL dated her.) **

**Anyways, review if you want.  
><strong>

**-Sarah**


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